And six months later…

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Well hello everyone! I know it’s been a while since I promised a reflection post on a Sunday that never came…until today!e…until today!

And what happened today to get me writing? First a WhatsApp message urging me to write for once and for all, and second! Today I make six months in Freepik, six months working, six months in which my life has given a big turn and well I suppose then that it’s a good moment to get the head rolling again about life. So let’s get to it.

Well I suppose that the first subject to treat is work, after all this is like an anniversary post.

So…work, was it like I thought it would be? I have no idea, because when I come to think of it: I actually never had an idea of what work would be about! It’s true I expected certain things, or maybe not, sometimes it’s difficult to isolate thought from the past and the present.

I  wish not to disappoint you because of the fact that there are certain things I don’t want to bring out to the internet because I’m bound not only by my father but mainly by myself and my wish to be a great professional (right now I’m falling asleep and I want to eat crepes filled with dulce de leche) . I’ll do my best. Obviously depending on who you are if you ask me when you see me I wouldn’t mind telling you.

Well the thing is I like to work and I like the idea of what I do on Freepik, of course there are days and tasks more interesting than others but that’s life and you have to deal with it weather you like it or not. For example: I totally hate translation days. I was born with the ability of translation but not with the taste for it, and I must say that those days are long and boring. But on the other hand I really like dubbing for example, or the idea of creating tutorials (I say the idea because I find myself with unnecessary restrictions that hold me back so much that something I could love and enjoy I end up feeling totally unattached to it and just want to finish as soon as possible, but! What normally would take me a couple of hours, takes me three days. So when I’m asked “Is there something else you rather be doing in Freepik?” the answer is “No, I’d simply do things different” I wish that my passion for my work wasn’t constantly shut off. Sometimes I wonder how I keep a up a cheerful and positive attitude… And because of the previous paragraph I have to bite my tongue (my fingers in this case) and stop about what “I don’t like”, so let’s to about what I like and other things!

Well I really like my “Fishbowl partners” (When I entered Freepik, three other girls came in with me and they put us in a crystal room the called the “Fishbowl”) and we totally connected from the beginning and it was the first time since I lived in Malaga (18 years now) that I felt totally “welcomed”, like if I were one more (That had only happened in Madrid when I went there to study), and I think it’s really cool. They are four equally strange, in their way, ladies which you can share your most bizarre and ridiculous ideas and thoughts.

Also since I work (and have Cash, cash, money, money…) I’ve been able to go out a lot more, like in the old days (a.k.a Madrid), and I’ve met tons of new people (you know I have a something for strangers), meet new places (In and out of Malaga) and buy yards and yards of fabric (my briefs collection is increasing monthly) (Part of the fault is that I’ve discovered a haberdashery that sells a lot of elastic laces and trimmings)…so basically thanks to money (Cash, cash, money, money…) I get to do whatever I want without having to care much of the expense.

And what are those things I’ve been (and will be) up to? Well for example, I went to Rome! Never been to Italy (I think I already talked about that voyage, so I won’t go over it again), I enrolled another (yes, another) lingerie class, I’m going to salsa class, in a couple of months I’m running a Spartan Race, I’ve increased my shoe collection (sorry dad), this summer I’m going to spend a whole week in France (hopefully getting a new job) and another week in Galicia (learning to surf), I wish to go to the Schoolism Workshop in London… and a lot of things more that will come in the way. Man this post is not my best work folks, I guess today I’m not in my deepest mood…

I suppose I have a lot more to say, but I feel like today might not be the day, I tried my best but I’m too full of energy (and I don’t know why because I can only eat chicken and swiss chards) (I’m on a stupid detox diet because of an allergy caused by medicine…). I guess what I would like to say with this messy and sense less post is that I’m really grateful, for the life I’m living, ok that I’m very far from where I would really like be working, and who knows if it might be years until I get to work on my first film, or I actually might never work on a film, that’s what I would love to, but does that mean I failed live? No, I suppose not, maybe I will have to spend my morning translating other peoples work in the morning for a living and drawing backgrounds for pleasure in the afternoon as long as I do my best in both activities and enjoy of what I have around everything will be more than fine. I know they will be days in which I’ll hate all my friends that are working in movies (which happens already) (I even have a friend working on Pocoyo! Is there justice in the world? Clearly not) and think “mann why didn’t I make it??”, luck? Talent? Lack of contacts? They are hundreds of ways of life beating us around, but since my experience, if don’t expect anything (I don’t mean you don’t have hope. Hope must always be present), work hard giving your best and not looking to the others castles you can have an awesome life. Why does a person working on Disney has to be happier and more successful that the woman who works beneath my house waxing other peoples legs?? Why? and some of you might be thinking…really? Well yes, I really think so. There are tons of people in the world and only a few work on “Top places” (if those even exist) and that does mean that they are more happy and successful than the rest of the world? Sorry but no, I don’t believe that, and if you think that I think you have a very mediocre thinking, AND THIS IS A BLOG THAT WISHES TO FIGHT MEDIOCRESY! (I’ve just received a mail totally unexpected…the content was “good” but it has totally ruined my day and I’m feeling how my face is getting all covered by a rash) (I’ve lost were I was going! Stupid Spa! Always messing around since the first day I met you…).

Well since I totally loosed track and the urge of getting back to my backgrounds let’s make a quick ending:

-If you are not were you want to be: Work hard and stop the excuses

-Be happy and in peace wherever you are but that doesn’t mean you don’t have to improve. You have the OBLIGATION of improving!

-I hope you don’t hate me, I’ll try to appear more often.

-I love you people

-Until the next post!  (Or not)

Work hard!…In a real direction

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Hey People! (and welcome to me muffin friend who I didn’t know read this (yay another woman to the ranks!)) I have a question for all of you:
How do you keep reading this pile of mumbling of continuous crying and constant deception? I really admire (and thank) you.
Well it has reached my eyes that some of my dearest readers where left quite worried because of my las post and I came to assure you people! I am recovered (now you might think I live on and emotional roller coaster, that changes really fast, well I have been like that but I think that I’m settling down, nothing like confronting and embracing reality) (you might still think that parting from my last week state I couldn’t possibly be recovered I must tell you I’m emotionally easily recovered, really easy).

It also helps that spring is coming, I’m also a summer lover, so I can go to the beach, my tan has started going on, I might not be going to Annecy but instead I’m going to the Canary Islands with my best friend, I’m goin to publish in a fanzine… so we might say things are starting to come out.
So in this new “stage” I bring out all my skills and I design patterns, I sew custom prom and wedding dresses, I’m not afraid of freelancing and I’ve opened a Society6 shop! (This is probably the best page on all the internet! YOU CAN GET SHOWER CURTAINS WITH MY DESIGNS ON THEM) (ISN’T THAT AMAZING?????) (Even I would buy them, despite I hate shower curtains))

The last post was so depressing (But true) and I remember writing in in a “hangover” mode so I’m not really sure what I wrote and I’ve been willing to delete it, but I’ve been to busy doing more interesting things, so when I finish this one I’m going to modify it, because they are some things I really don’t need know running around the internet, and as Edna Mode would say: “I try to not look in to the past, it distracts me from the future”. And some of those things kinda distract me so I don’t want them there, if you read it, yay you! if not, sorry you are late! jajajajaj
So know I go back to work! Thanks for being there and you know!
Until next post! (or not)

PS: Remember how last post I complained because of the fact that that I was stuck in 99 followers on FB? I GOT TO THE 100! If it has been one of you thanks! And if not, you can keep help me rising that number here!

 

Work hard!… for what??

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This is supposed to be a desperate face. In case you are doubting.

Hello my beloved readers here we are another day, ready to talk about me.
So I’ve always been a quite motivated and positive person (all thought some people think the contrary because of my strong sense of reality which could be taken as negativity). Even in the darkest situations I’ve been able to take my mind to a better place where it’s always sunny, I think that power is in us, just that not everyone knows how to use.

So as you know it’s been a lot of time since I’m stuck in my parents kitchen looking for a job without any success, and I’ve been dealing with it quite well until the last two, three…¿? months. In that period of time I’ve cried more than in the other 288/9 months of my live, why? because everything I try fails. I put a lot of effort and passion and for what? it seems that for nothing, I spent 4 months working on a short film that wasn’t liked, I was going to start  a travel blog but the trip (which I was dreaming to go on, and had be planning for two months) on which it was going to be going around, fell off yesterday, get to a 100 followers (at least) on my FB art page, not happening (stuck in 99, wanna collaborate?) and a whole other bunch of stuff (getting a job include, but the topic might be getting a bit trite)!

Joining my lack of triumph in the “laboral world” we have to add the lack of human support, and in this I totally exclude my family! (with out them, this would be even worse), but in life someone (at least I) needs various groups of people. We could divide the two basic groups in to family and friends (there is also a third group that involves class/work mates) and ok, I’ve got the family and I’ve got the friends but when you spend two years of your live out (I went to study to another city) of a group of friends that had been together that time when you get back you might feel a bit…out, why? because people change and evolve, but they have done it together so they have their well founded customs, jokes…which you are not familiarized with. And it doesnt matter if you’ve seem them every vacation you went back to town or spoke with them weekly! It’s just not the same, so you try to fit in but you have also changed, and even though they are amazing friends and people, you are just no one of them completely, they will always have a deeper connection between them that the one they will ever have with you.

Then I have my friends from the other city (the one I studied for two years) of course I keep in touch with them and enjoy talking with them but whatsapp conversations are not enough to me, I’m and old-fashion person when it comes to relationships.
But well I suppose distance brings things in to place and as sad as it is we have to deal with it, you must try to keep fighting for relationships you think they are worth it, but as an old friend used to say “Two can’t if one doesn’t want”, and keep going.

So to wrap up this post (which might have seemed a bit disjointed) what I want to say is that I want to go back to my old self, the one that was always happy and cheering up everyone, the one that was starving for new projects and daily adventures, the one that had faith, and as reality and other things are settling down, no matter how “ugly” you know what to deal with and go against it joyful and straightforward, and I everyone says that that in the end everything finds its place.
So time to finish, I’m going to exercise a bit and you know what comes now…
Until next post! (or not)

PS: I this post has no sense, is totally disconnected and is full of mistakes, please forgive me bit I’ve been sailing since yesterday and now that I’m on firm land I totally dizzy as if I were still sailing. It’s something normal after a long period on the sea 🙂

Bar tendering, my way to cinema?

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So today having lunch with my family the conversation has had a curious turn and maybe even a possibility for my life that I could have never expected, let’s start from the beginning:
A couple months ago Facebook suggested me to follow “EBS” (European Bartender School) and of course it immediately caught my eye (c’mon! have you seen the videos! It’s like a summer camp learning how to do trillions of cocktails!) (You know I love cocktailing, more doing them than drinking them, but both) (I’ve even started producing my own liquors! (Strawberry by the moment)). I remember that by that moment there was a special offer that was the full course (it last 1 month) with the accommodation (It`s in Barcelona, a bit far from Malaga) like 780€ (Without the offer it costs 2020 €, slightly more expensive as you see).

But also a that moment I wasn’t totally desperate as I am to get a job of whatever comes in front of my life, so I was like: “WOW it would be so awesome to study there!!! but you know just for the love of fun and knowledge because I’m a animator/artist (whatever) and I have to get a job in that, I wouldn’t mind working in a bar serving cocktails for a couple of months thought I’m going to spend my whole life in front of a computer drawing backgrounds, but well that where I’m heading, you have already worked on those “summer jobs” for young people, now it’s time to work in what you have studied” HA.

After that I started thinking (maybe because of the Nespresso experience) that before nailing my butt to a Disney chair it would be cool to spend a couple of months in a job where you had to work publicly, I don’t mind interacting with other people and I’m not afraid of working in from of staring eyes, I also think (this I thought before “Desperate Mary” started coming out) that working facing the public is one of the best ways to learn how to treat people, and deal with everything with a smile and tons of patience (essential qualities for life) .

Ok, so you don’t give aside your dream job search, but you also start looking for other types of job (I really need to get out of my parents kitchen and be a bit independent monetarily speaking) but you get the same luck, because you don’t have enough experience in anything and your artistic studies are useless in other fields that don’t require a filling an empty canvas (I also suppose that artist are considered as lazy and not trust-worthy people). So we are once again where we started.

Going back to lunchtime: I have a couple of successful bartenders cousins in Madrid, and one of them is like a home service bartender, so people hire him to go to their houses during a party and he takes the drinks and everything and prepares cocktails for the attendants and my father was talking like how there wasn’t anything like that in Malaga and that we could start that service, but of course you need someone with a little bit of flow serving drinks and that knows how to manage the servings and stuff, and I remembered EBS and talked to them about it. My father said that the ideal thing would be to send one of us (Me, of course) to learn everything and the show the others the “art of being a bartender”.

I don’t know how much of seriousness was in those words and if he even consider it but well it made me think (I get things to think in from anything, as you might have seen):

What if I earn enough money to pay EBS, go there, become a great bartender, get a job (they have a job bank, which after my experience is the one thing you must consider before going into whatever school you might be thinking, if it doesn’t, sorry not interested) (they also say that almost all their students come out with a job, if I don’t I would start considering myself as the unluckiest person on the planet), move to Madrid (working as a bartender) and there I would have the opportunity to go where I know “animated” opportunities and contacts are made and FINALLY get a job in what I’ve put so much effort. It sounds like a good plan, right? At least I do, I don’t know, anything to add people?

Or who knows, maybe I get in to EBS and discover that that is my way in life, the night, cocktails and cocktail shakers, after all I’ve always had the fantasy of owning my own night club, bar or something like that, I don`t know, as always everything in my life is a bit on the air, I don’t have the slightest clue of what I’m even going to do tomorrow maybe I get a call for a job and I have to move to the US in less that one week or I win the lottery and decide to go on a one year trip around the world… there are so many possibilities and all of them are possible and impossible at the same time.
At least I know what I’m going to do for today: I’m going to finish this post, make the corresponding drawing, work on my schoolism assignment, make some sport, have dinner while watching chapter 3 of the second season of “Ahí abajo” go to bed and prepare for a new day full of hidden possibilities, so the only thing I have to say by the moment is:
Until next post! (or not)

 

I would have titled this “Aaaahhh….II” but I wanted to be a bit more original

cora2 copia.jpgHello, it’s me… Don’t worry! I’m not start all Adele-like (I think I’ve never listened to someone so…insufrible) (well there is a spanish singer called Manolo García who is on a similar or even higher level)

I know I’ve been a bit missing in combat lately, not only in the blog but also in my life and as I’ve commented in other occasions: I HATE IT
I really try to stay strong and to keep truth to my “optimistic/positive way to life” but come on, 9 months (I could have had a baby in that time) looking for a job with NO RESULTS! trust me it’s not easy (I suppose that sadly a lot of people know what it is) but the thing doesn’t finish there because when you are a lawyer, a teacher or whatever other non artistic job, you just have your curriculum to put up there and be judged by, BUT! in artistic disciplines you have a thing called “portfolio” (basically a folder with your BEST work). So you send your curriculum and your artwork to all the companies known and unknown and sometimes they send you a “sorry but no” mail but mostly nothing, wich in both cases means “your job is not good for us”.

I can totally understand my work is not going to suit most companies, but when in 9 months you don’t find even a tiny spot for you well you star to think… God knows what. I know my work isn’t perfect, it has a lot to improve, but I sincerely also think it has quality, and I learn fast I’ve already proved it (I also think that working (in a real position, with real projects and real pressure) is the best way to learn), I’m constantly looking for ways to improve (I have currently enrolled in a Schoolism course) and I really REALLY want to work, feeling that what I do is useful for the world is one of the things I love most (I find more satisfaction hanging the laundry than drawing lately…) But well, even though I don’t have much faith by the moment I’ll keep working hard, because that’s my thing. Or so I think.

That’s my main issue lately but other factors in my life don’t really help like for example:
-Getting a job of any other thing (just to make out some cash and have an occupation out of my parents kitchen) isn’t easier (and the administrations in charged seemed to be designed to make the life of job-less people even more miserable than what it already is)
-The fact that you barely have friends were you currently live because they are working in other cities and the ones that are here, have jobs that take all their time (good thing I have a loving family)

But I don’t want to give the impression that nothing good goes around! (I have to fight that dark cloud over my head, that I’ve noticed that sometime is a bit (lot) auto-imposed who knows why):
-My body is getting stronger (I’m taking my fitness much seriously), I’m even trying pushing myself to cool “complicated” yoga poses (I have a great balance head up, but head down…). I’m really enjoying this challenging my body limits.
-I’m back to studying French (remember I might be going to France in summer) and I’ve also started studying portuguese and I must say I’M LOVING IT, look: Eu gosto falar português. Yeah
-I’m alive which means I have the chance to keep chasing what I want
-I have a really supporting (some days) family

Well once again I’m getting bored of talking to myself but I have a (mostly male) public (I had today and unexpected confessed reader, and she is a woman, hi Hulia!) to entertain and I would not like to disappoint them! So that’s all for today
Until next post! (or not)

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh

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With this very suggesting title I welcome you to the first post of the year, I’ve been trying to get some time out but my short film is taking all my time lately (but it’s totally going to be worth it).

So this blog, responds to my needs of the moment, for example last week I would have talked about how I did in my job and stuff like that, but today I feel like talking of my “life resolutions” (I never make new year’s resolutions or so). I have a lot of time to think, because even animating takes a lot of concentration I’m still able of give things a turn or two and lately I’ve been thinking of the french film festival “Annecy”, but not in the way of a “festival”, I think of it more as a “concept” or a metaphor of life.

I regret not being a bit more daring in life, I’m not afraid of living but I have said “no” to things that I know were going to be good for me just because of fright, and I´m tired of that, tired of being stopped by “suppose to” or “not suppose to”. I don´t think I lived oppressed by my job, parents, friends… I actually always have done quite what I felt like but as I said I’ve been a bit corseted in certain aspects.

I like how I am, I have certain morals and ideas I don´t intend to change (basically because those things form who I am and they are not the things that stop me for doing what I want, actually they are te ones that encourage me to go ahead), but I also have that stupid voice tempting me with not going to certain places or not taking certain risk. I consider myself one of the most contrary/contrasted persons in the world and this is not the post to explain all that but I suppose that if you read it you might get a vague idea and to put a little silly example: when I´m working at my computer I have playlist that contain reggaeton and Mozart and I enjoy both the same (see there you have seen a bit of my daring part, no one would ever recognize they like/listen reggaeton becuse lots of people would stone them).

And what has Annecy “the festival” have to do with all this? Well, I’ll tell you:
I don’t know anyone really willing to go with me, so I said to myself “I don’t care! I can go on my own, I’m not afraid of travelling on my own” until here everything fine, but then that lazy and scared voice inside my head says “What are you going to do alone a whole week in France? Just by yourself, sleeping in a tent, just you, maybe you get bored, and you are going to make a great effort saving money for the trip, that by the way it’s very far from Malaga, how are you going to get there…” “SHUT UP! I’m going anyhow, I’ll meet very interesting people, I’ll get a job, have fun, maybe even meet someone special and learn a lot, so please stop trying to retain my thirst of adventure and life” and that´s more or less the fight that goes on in my head, the good thing is that that voice seems to be getting week, the bad is that Annecy is far in time still, so that stupid life blaster has time to rearm, but I have made the choice of not leaving it win ever again, c’mon girl! you know you can do it!

So for all of you constantly throwing excuses around for not living to the full, please STOP, enjoy a bit more and if you really have things that don’t allow you to do other stuff, reorganize! If you have to sleep 3 hours a day for an entire week so you can go on that trip or that whatever, do it! I’m sure you won’t regret it and that it’s worth it, lets stop being so lazy to live.
Well and that’s all for today, I wanna say “Hello!” to my two new unexpected subscribers I’m glad people enjoy my little mishmash of music, tequila and deep thoughts! and as always

Until next post! (or not)

Strawberries, tequila and garter belts

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I couldn’t imagine a better title for my life lately. Why? I don´t know, it´is pink, mexican and glamorous.

It’s not that I’m living a Wildfox life or anything, at least in a material level (in my head lives a constant styled party) (mostly always).
The thing is that while I write this post, with a strawberry tequila cocktail, listening to Melanie Martinez´s Pity party my mind goes round my life, my day a day and makes questions that stay unsolved. I have just ate a piece of fruit cake my mom has made, it was delicious and as agent K says in Men in Black 3, cake is a good problem solver, but I´ve ate it fast and with out really enjoying it so it didn’t work, this night’s everything goes fast, not really typical in me (ask my dad).

As I said, I have a lot going around, I’m constantly going back and forward, trying to find out if I´m in the right direction.
I studied Fine Arts, but I never actually made Fine Arts, yes I have my college degree and passed all the assignments and tasks I needed to complete my four years, I argue A LOT with my teachers, because I didn’t agree with them almost in anything, but that was all. I´m not the bohemian artist type that reads hundreds of things other wrote, think of it and stupid amount of time an then produce. No, I´m more an action artist, you know I want to work in in cinema business, so my work isn’t supposed to express my feelings or anything, but secretly I´ve always had a part of my work, that even though it might look superficial or shallow (that I do produce images for images), a lot of time the serve me as a diary which I can shout through.
The problem is that that wasn’t 100%, because I was always thinking in the technique, the public and other thing that should not have mattered, but when you are dying to star working thanks to your work, you try that everything you do seves for a portfolio.

But now I’m tired of “hiding”, I’m going to start developing that “finest artist” in me, but for me, my rules, my colors my paths.

The problem is, that coin has another side called “I still need a job”. I don’t intend to abandon cinema, by the moment, but I have to be realistic: I´ve been searching since May in that direction and NOTHING. I know it might be soon, but as I said a few post ago I want to do something big, I’m really tired of waiting for someone to give me a chance and the idea of starting my own project grows everyday, it would not be big screen related as I said that might step a bit aside. I guess everyone has it´s place in life, and maybe mine is full of glitter, lace, sewing machines, endless party full of glamour instead of cintiqs, frames, and color keys…who knows? maybe a couple of years from now, you are wearing my t-shirts and garter belts, well let´s just go with the flow and expect the best from life.

So with the last sip of tequila and strawberries (I´am currently working of my very own strawberry-tequila cocktail, today’s wasn’t bad but I still have to work it out a bit) I wish you a pleasant night and as Coti would say Buena suerte, ciao, adiós. (I still suck at endings)

See you in the next post! (or not)